Friday, February 22, 2008

My Peeping Tom; A Rose Bush Story

About twelve years ago I was a 32-year-old divorcee trying to take care of my 18-month-0ld and myself. I bought the little house we live in now and set about creating a new life for us. The very first thing I did was start making flower beds. I was able to afford just a few antique roses. So anyway, I was making flower beds and taking care of my baby and working and jogging and in general just living my life minding my own business.

One night in July I came home a little late and still needed to water my new lovely roses. So I get the monkey to bed and go outside in the dark. I was watering and watering and dragging my only hose around the house from the front flower beds to the back. I came around the corner and saw a tall man looking in my bathroom window. Now a smart woman living by herself would have run back inside and called the police. I am not that woman. Instead I say, "What the hell are you looking at?" He turns and looks at me, takes a couple of steps towards me and says, "What are you looking at?" Again, I should have run away. BUT NO, I decide to spray my peeping Tom down with the water hose. He says, "DAMN GIRL!!!" and runs away.

Now I get smart go inside and call not 911, but my parents. They tell me to DUH CALL 911. So I call 911. My younger sister was a senior in high school and she calls one of her guy friends who is on the football team. Within about 45 seconds of the first phone call I have half the small town football team and all of the small town police in my front yard.

Here is what the first officer had to say to the dispatcher. "The suspect is a young white male age 18 to 25, and, um, he is soaking wet."

Later that week, I had a fence built and brought my shepherd home from the exes. At that point, my peeping Tom had no choice but to go to the front windows. He came back about three more times. The next time, my dog growled and he ran away. The third time Manly Man, then Manly Boyfriend, ran him off. The fourth time I let the dog out, she chased him away, and he never came back.

We all lived happily ever after.

The End.


  1. Debbie .. my god girl .. you took some chances, but I understand how that happened (not the peeping Tom thing.. uh .. not that the peeping Tom ... well, you know what I mean) .. anywho .. we react on first instinct .. ANGER ! .. I would be mad as hell too .. although at this stage of the game .. slightly flattered .. uh, not really that either .. jeez .. you know what I mean ..
    We protect our children first and ourselves second .. just a gut reaction..
    Some how I know I can turn this into a garden moment too .. well, uh ... you know what I mean ..
    We plant on instinct .. nurture , protect .. that sort of idealisim ?
    Heck ... by the end of this I don't know what I mean !
    Joy ..

  2. It was a gardening moment. I was watering the roses hahahaha.

  3. Oh Lord I think I may have freaked everyone out. The point was a German Shepherd and a woman with a garden hose can run off any creep.

  4. OH my gosh! SO freaky! I can't believe how brave you were. I think I would have packed up and moved!

  5. I don't think I was brave. I think I was foolish, but he looked pretty stupid wet.

  6. This is frigging hilarious! You go, girl!

  7. It's pretty funny right now. I have a new German Shepherd, a full grown manly man, three boys, and a few neighbors to protect me. Allas, I am no longer as interesting to look at. Yet, life is good, really really good.

  8. What a great and funny read today. I laughed out loud. I need to get me a dog! I can just bet he was the crazy kind that like a woman who fights back--moron. It made me wonder what I would do in such a situation. You must have/are a real looker cause he kept coming back. Somewhere there is a complement in all this??!!

  9. My advise is alway to have a good dog, or a dumb dog, or a funny dog. He must have been crazy to pick on the one woman who is related to half the county, moron. You would probably do something equally unexpected. I was much more interesting to look at back then, but much more comfortable in my own skin now. I linky dinked you.