I Had to Wash Her Mouth Out

No, I am not a mean mom who makes my kids go get me switches or washes their mouths out soap when they say dirty words.

Tisha brought me a grasshopper this afternoon. Cat owners will be familiar with the low rrrwwwrrrwwwrrr growl that means "I, The Hunter, have caught you this prized wild game. Let me in." Cat owner opens the door and domestic cat lets loose an injured yet still living mouse, or in this case grasshopper. One time, another of our little killers brought in a live dove, which promptly molted all over my kitchen. Good times.

This time, she had caught the grasshopper on a plant. Her mouth was full of leaves as well as grasshopper. I waited until she dropped it and let her in. Of course the grasshopper jumped through the door into the house. Yikes, begin chasing grasshopper around the kitchen. This was one of those great big grasshoppers that can jump about twelve feet. After about four leaps, I caught it on the kitchen table.

When I opened the back door to let the hopper go, I noticed the leaves. The foliage was poison ivy. The cat had just spit out a mouthful of poison ivy leaves! Great.

My dad is our vet and I had to make yet another crazy phone call. My questions to my dad have included, but are not limited to; confusion regarding the anatomy of a male bunny, what to do if the dog eats chocolate cake, and what to do with the dove the other cat caught and let go in the kitchen.

So here goes. "Hi it's Deb. I have a weird question. What do I do if the cat had a mouthful of poison ivy?"

Dad, choking back laughter, "Can I call you back?"

Me, "Okay."

Wait a few minutes for my dad to compose himself and call me back. The advise was to wash out her mouth with plain water and come pick up some oral steroids.

Now comes the fun part. Catch the cat, take her to the sink, turn on the water. Cat jumps three feet in the air and disappears under the couch. Retrieve the cat and hold her really tight. She is now growling like something possessed. Pry open her mouth and splash water in. Get injured and cuss a little. Retrieve cat from the dryer. Cat is now howling like a banshee. Take the cat back to the sink, pry open her mouth and put in more water. Let the cat go and tell her, "I am sorry."

This cat can delay the gratification of revenge for a long time. My ankles are toast. I don't know when it is going to happen, but it will when I least expect it. Revenge of the Tisha is swift and painful. Pray for me.