Monday, May 5, 2008

News Flash: Killer Rose Bush Attacks School Bus


A Dr. Van Fleet rosebush attacked a school bus on the afternoon of 5/5/08. The bush had grown out of a yard and onto the pavement of First Street. Thirty forth graders on board the bus were saved by a weed wacker welding Manly Man. Mr. Man arrived just in time to keep the bush from puncturing the tires and taking over the bus by brute force. The Tiny Town Texas police voiced shock and awe at size and thorniness of this monster plant. An emergency meeting of the Tiny Town Texas Garden Club convened in order to discuss tactics to keep the monster under control to avoid further incidence. The Antique Rose Society of Tiny Town Texas launched an investigation into allegations of illegal growth hormone and fertilizer use by Aunt Debbi. There have been reports of other attacks by the same rosebush in outlying areas of Tiny Town Texas. The victims were unsuspecting husbands whose wives took a cutting of the rose not knowing what it was. The husbands were all innocently mowing their lawns when the attacks occurred. A fund is being set up to provide Band-Aids for the victims.

Dr. Van Fleet a hybrid wichuran rambler is a 15 x 10 foot rambling rosebush. It will put out roots wherever it touches the ground. Dr. Walter Van Fleet introduced it in 1910. New Dawn is a sport of this rosebush.
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17 comments:

  1. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!! Good one, Debbi!!! I don't you could spare Manly Man to come do some multiflora rose whacking up here, by any chance?!

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  2. Hi ofb, He is still mad about the rose bush in the ditch. I think we should leave him alone for a while.

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  3. Ha. Too funny! At least it didn't get a chance to grow feet and walk over to the road.

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  4. What a hoot! Isn't it a pain to have plants that take over. It's why I posted that I am NOT in charge!!! Good luck with that rose. Maybe you should post a garden gnome as guard!

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  5. Hi cinj and diana, I would post a gnome if I thought it would help. Unfortunately, I think the rose would eat the gnome. As easily as this thing roots, it is almost as if it is walking. Thankfully, the flowers are awesome.

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  6. Ahh, pretty roses, like pretty girls, can get away with most anything!

    I'd be willing to take'er on!

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  7. Debbi, is it flagrant, I mean fragrant?

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  8. Hi Nancy, I really was amazed at how aggressive this rosebush is. If you have a huge space go for it. I do think the blooms are worth it.

    Barbee, yes it is flagrantly fragrant.

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  9. Hahahaha! A flagrantly fragrant feloneous fleeing floozy...fantastic! :)

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  10. This rose bush is an import from a Dallas home where it had been planted under the window of a teenage girl. The idea was to help her think about sneaking out at night after all had gone to bed.
    It also gave for alarm if her suitors tried to sneak in. It worked well in its original location, but being imported to areas that give it space to roam, it does.

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  11. Oh lisa, your cracking me up.

    Hello Anonymous friend, I am glad it kept her in. She is a fine young mom now.

    For everybody who is now confused, anonymous is the friend who gave me the cutting and therefore responsible for this whole mess:)

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