April Fools: Gardening With Monkeys

ACT I

The monkeys came home from school in rare form. As I have mentioned before, they are not funny when they are trying to be funny. Here are a few examples of April Fools "Jokes" they shared with me.

"I will not make you popcorn anymore" - APRIL FOOLS

"May I set fire to your garden?" - APRIL FOOLS

"May I throw this rotten apple at the village idiot?" APRIL FOOLS

"I don't love you" - APRIL FOOLS.

ACT II

After the "I don't love you" I slipped out into the garden to weed and be by myself in the quiet. They found me. First one put a fake spider on my shoulder. This worked the first time, but they have done it about 400 time since then.

Now we have this wonderful dialog.

Baby monkey, "Mom"

Me, "What?"

Baby Monkey, "Mom"

Me, "What?"

Baby Monkey, "Mom."

Me, WHAT?????

Baby monkey, "I love you."

ACT III

Middle Monkey asks to hold a rabbit. Okay, kid knock yourself out. Ten minutes later - MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM I SAW LUCY'S NUTS. LUCY HAS NUTS. Kid hands me an upside down bunny. As I may have mentioned before, Lucy is not a girl. I did not, however, share this information with my boys. I check out the rabbit equipment and declare Lucy a boy. They recovered and renamed him Mario. Then they bring me the other rabbit to be examined. No bunny balls can be seen. Starr is still a girl. Now they want to know when we are going to have babies. As an encore, the newly renamed Mario escaped and hid under an overgrown rose bush. It took us 20 minutes to get him out.

ACT IV

Things I had to say for the rest of the hour.

"Don't lock you brother in the rabbit hutch."

"Get out of the rabbit hutch."

"Get down from on top of the rabbit hutch."

"Do not put your brother under the wheelbarrow."

"Get that 2 gallon container off of your head."

"Don't throw onions into the street."

Help me somebody please help me.

They all Came Back

I had a little time between weather situations to go check out my perennial border and see what came back. The Shasta daisies, salvia, Whirling Butterfly guara, French hollyhocks, ice plant, bog salvia are all showing back up. That is a picture from last summer, but I can look forward to more blooms in the next few weeks. Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy.

Did anybody else catch the gardening skit on Two and a Half Men? I thought I was going to fall over laughing.

Mother Nature is Messing with Me

Remember a few days ago when I mowed around the grape hyacinths? What I didn't tell you was that I did not finish the job. We have a little strip of grass on each side of the house and a triangle on one side of the driveway. I didn't mow those down. The neglected areas in addition to the clumps of flowers in the part I did mow make for a supremely embarrassing lawn. Teenagers have been coming by every day offering to mow my yard for pay. This is especially humiliating as I have a gardening service sign on my truck. Bad gardener, very very bad. It's kind of like the cobbler's children have no shoes. I am so busy with my customers' flower beds and volunteer work that my yard stays in a constant state of neglect. When everything is in bloom it is s pretty mess. However, right now it is just a mess.

Today I intend to at least take care of the grass/weed situation. I have a reel push mower and an electric mower. The weeds are too tall to use the push mower so I have to use the electric contraption. About an hour ago I pulled out the extension cords and set up the mower. Big fat raindrops fell on my head. Even I know not to use and electric lawnmower in the rain. I put everything under the porch and came back inside to wait. After just a few big fat raindrops it is all clear again and not too wet to mow. I went back outside and set it all up again. Big fat rain drops fell on my head. I put it all back on the porch and came back inside. No more raindrops. COME ON!! I go back outside. Baby Monkey gets stung by a wasp. Come back inside and doctor him up. Go back outside set up the lawnmower and start mowing around the grape hyacinths. Then KERBLAAM - Big lightening bolt and rumbling thunder. Run back inside and say a prayer of thanks for not being struck dead by lightening. Look outside. No way. Absolutely NO FREAKING WAY -SUNSHINE!!! I'm not falling for it this time. We will just have to be the redneck lawn of the month until the clouds are completely gone.

On a brighter note, I had my most successful sourdough bread results since I was gifted/cursed with the bag of starter. It seems the trick is to leave it in a proofing oven a very long time. Apparently, you cannot rush sourdough bread or my dad.

Good Eatin

The time of year has come again when we can eat out of the garden almost daily. Today I had asparagus and radishes. I harvested onions yesterday and will be making a fennel and onion salad to marinate in the fridge over night. The Swiss chard is huge and we need to start harvesting it again. I still have a little cabbage left for slaw and maybe cabbage rolls. I am not sure if the monkeys will eat cabbage rolls. I have mustard and spinach that are ready to eat. The snow peas are still little, but with a bit more warm weather, they will take off. the lettuce is tiny, but needs to be thinned. We will make salads out of the thinned out tiny plants.

We grow cool weather vegetables all winter and rotate out to warm season plants around the first of May. In about four weeks the tomatoes, peppers, squash, corn, okra, beans, and cucumbers will go in. In the meantime the onions and garlic will all be pulled, cleaned, and let to dry out before I store them. I still need to start basil.

Fennel and onion salad.

Two medium sized onions sliced in thin rings

1/2 cup chopped fresh fennel

1/4 cup olive oil

1/4 cup lemon or lime juice

Salt and pepper to taste

Mix all ingredients together, store in a covered container and marinate overnight in the refrigerator. Serve cold.

We have to eat the fennel now before the black swallowtail butterflies show up. Their babies eat our fennel and dill. I will post pictures when they show up.

Earth Hour

I just signed us up for Earth Hour. Tomorrow night at 8:o0 I will turn off all our lights, power down this addiction box, and go outside. We may have candles or better yet the monkeys can play with their wind-up flashlights. I will attempt to guilt my neighbors into participating. I may offer beer.

I am really trying to teach my children to take care of our little piece of earth. They are already professional composters and will retrieve banana peels out of your trashcan and give you "The Look." They know the location of the recycling center. They don't throw out paper. We have had to explain to Middle Monkey that it is okay to cut down invasive, nonnative trees. He gave his Opa a lecture about how bad it was to cut down a tree. Opa was amused.

Anyway, should you feel inclined and want to have fun in the dark, sign up for Earth Hour. No Meme, I do not want a report on how you spent the time. I wonder if I am the only one in small town Texas participating in this global event?

How A Girl Mows the Lawn

My lawn is just beginning to grow. Mostly it is just winter weeds at this time of year. We only have a couple of tiny areas of lawn. I have converted everything I can into flower beds and gardens. Manly Man has managed to hang on to this little bit of grass. At this time of year there are many clumps of grape hyacinth growing and blooming amongst the grass and weeds. They are such a pretty color (hyacinths not the weeds).

I had to mow. We were beginning to look like the red neck yard of the month. Did I mow the little blue flowers down? No, I mowed around them. So here I am mowing in a drunken weaving path. I am sure it looked crazy to the neighbors. After about ten minutes of carefully avoiding the flowers, I look up and see Manly Man and neighbor J staring at me. Manly Man yells, "That is just wrong." He wanted me to mow the flowers down. Instead of doing that, I began to mow faster and more erratically. Then I mowed off into the ditch. The lawn has a bad haircut, but grape hyacinths are safe for another week.

How To Garden on An Historic Site.

This is more a "How in the world and I going to garden on an historic site," rather than instructions on how to do so. I guess you can all learn along with me.

I was asked to help with the landscaping of our county's old Poor Farm. This is a MG project to be done along with several others including rainwater harvesting systems and landscaping around other county buildings.

The farm was established in 1883 to house and provide medical care to the county's paupers. An individual was assigned to the farm after being declared a pauper and were to stay there until they could support themselves or died. Able bodied persons were required to work. Apparently, a few "lazy" people were given train tickets out of Kaufman County and the great State of Texas. A court order was required in order to leave the farm. During 1900 the farm was used as an epidemic camp during a small pox outbreak. Later it was used to showcase new farming technologies.

As we walked around today, I saw a hodgepodge of buildings, equipment, and overgrown fence rows. The old jail, 1960's era I believe, is being used for storage. This building gave me the creepy crawlies. I am not sure what structural problems exist in each of the buildings. Water is the first order of business. We found a spigot, but it is not working. The door to one of the buildings had to be kicked hard in order for us to get in. We found a rusted wrench and a rusted ring of some kind.

My challenge will be to find Earthkind designated plants that might have been available in 1883. A square foot garden is being planned for a fenced in "yard." The goal is to turn this into a museum.