Friday, September 5, 2008

I Had to Wash Her Mouth Out

No, I am not a mean mom who makes my kids go get me switches or washes their mouths out soap when they say dirty words.
Tisha brought me a grasshopper this afternoon. Cat owners will be familiar with the low rrrwwwrrrwwwrrr growl that means "I, The Hunter, have caught you this prized wild game. Let me in." Cat owner opens the door and domestic cat lets loose an injured yet still living mouse, or in this case grasshopper. One time, another of our little killers brought in a live dove, which promptly molted all over my kitchen. Good times.
This time, she had caught the grasshopper on a plant. Her mouth was full of leaves as well as grasshopper. I waited until she dropped it and let her in. Of course the grasshopper jumped through the door into the house. Yikes, begin chasing grasshopper around the kitchen. This was one of those great big grasshoppers that can jump about twelve feet. After about four leaps, I caught it on the kitchen table.
When I opened the back door to let the hopper go, I noticed the leaves. The foliage was poison ivy. The cat had just spit out a mouthful of poison ivy leaves! Great.
My dad is our vet and I had to make yet another crazy phone call. My questions to my dad have included, but are not limited to; confusion regarding the anatomy of a male bunny, what to do if the dog eats chocolate cake, and what to do with the dove the other cat caught and let go in the kitchen.
So here goes. "Hi it's Deb. I have a weird question. What do I do if the cat had a mouthful of poison ivy?"
Dad, choking back laughter, "Can I call you back?"
Me, "Okay."
Wait a few minutes for my dad to compose himself and call me back. The advise was to wash out her mouth with plain water and come pick up some oral steroids.
Now comes the fun part. Catch the cat, take her to the sink, turn on the water. Cat jumps three feet in the air and disappears under the couch. Retrieve the cat and hold her really tight. She is now growling like something possessed. Pry open her mouth and splash water in. Get injured and cuss a little. Retrieve cat from the dryer. Cat is now howling like a banshee. Take the cat back to the sink, pry open her mouth and put in more water. Let the cat go and tell her, "I am sorry."
This cat can delay the gratification of revenge for a long time. My ankles are toast. I don't know when it is going to happen, but it will when I least expect it. Revenge of the Tisha is swift and painful. Pray for me.
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  1. What a funny story! Loved this with all the yowling, hissing and spitting! Funny how opinionated cats are. Maybe you should get yourself some soccer shin guards and wear them for a while.
    Thank for the laugh

    PS I'm Cindy's favorite Auntie!!! Just ask her;)

  2. Sorry for laughing at your pain, but I could completely relate to that story. I had to wash a cat once or twice. Luckily her front paws were declawed and I had the foresight after the first incident to have her stand on her hid feet in the laundry tub. Long story! Reggie was still an ankle biter until the day she died (10 years later), so you MAY just want to get used to the torture. If she's anything like my cat she'll hold a grudge for a while.

  3. That's the funniest dad gum thing I've read in a long time. I've already told three people about it. And look at that cat's expression! She looks thoroughly disgusted. You are in for a world of hurt before that cat forgives you and forget anymore gifts for awhile. If you are going to behave with such ungratefulness, they you don't deserve a cat present.

  4. Joanie, cinj, and anna, Really, I need some help out here. That cat has taken the keep your enemies close tactic. She is two feet away from me pretending to be asleep. I am in mortal fear for my life. Help me.....

  5. This story made howl with laughter and also yell "Oh no!!"

    I hope you didn't get some the poison ivy oil on you in your attempts to help your Tisha. Keep us apprised.

    The dryer? You put her in the dryer?~~Dee

  6. Hi Dee, This morning there is no indication of poison ivy on mysel of the cat. I didn't put her in the dryer. The dryer door was open and that is where she tried to hide.

  7. Ooooh, girl, sleep with one eye open until that cat gets his revenge! Picture a similar scene at my house a week ago, only it was a live, uninjured frog in kitties' mouth. When I screamed, the cat dropped the frog, and it took me forever to retrieve the damn frog. Of COURSE it hopped down the hall, not out the door, still open from the cat's entry! I am still not sure who was traumatized worse, the cat, the frog, or the human!

  8. Nola, hahahah. I had toad drama earlier this summer. Toads do not belong up pant legs, just saying.

  9. All I can say is tuck your jeans into your socks, then the can can't mangle your ankles too horribly badly....

  10. I've nver had poison ivy, but I know it must be awful. And imagine a cat giving it to you! That is another of your wild true stories! They seem to cling to you sort of like they do with me.

  11. Cinj, great idea if only I wore jeans during the summer. Maybe I should use the soccer shin guards like Joanie suggested.

    Brenda, one of my very reserved friends reads this blog and says it must be a zoo around here. Imagine that. (don't laugh, I can have reserved friends). At least our lives are not boring true?

  12. My god Debbie .. I laughed so much this morning reading this .. thankfully I drank my coffee in the kitchen finishing it there .. otherwise .. well hubby's monitor would have been covered. My indoor babies go ballistic if there ever is a fly in the house .. they would totally loose it outside. Emma is the proud hunter bringing me cat toys to throw for her 3/4 retriever cat ? but that low growl thing .. yes ! I know it well .. grasshoppers .. grown woman moving damn fast away from them .. how stupid am I ? hate those guys too !
    I have a huge "bug hit list?"

  13. Gack! Grasshoppers! Poison ivy! I've never seen a cat who'd voluntarily take a mouthful of anything green (at least, if it was of vegetable origin, as opposed to a grasshopper or frog). Poor Tisha! And poor you! But no poison ivy is good news for everyone. I'd rather have cat-scratched ankles than poison ivy any day! Might as well put on the Ted Nugent CD and get it over with...

  14. ROFL! We got back from a couple days away and found no major destruction. Not sure what's up. I'm certain we'll step in it sooner or later.

  15. Joy, A fried of ours has a samese cat that fetches sounds like a cool cat. Glad you didn't spit coffee. I have learned to put the cup down before reading some of your posts.

    ofb, thanks now I have an ear worm of cat scratch fever:)

  16. Curmudgeon, You left them at home alone! you are going to pay.

  17. Oh Deb - thta's so funny! I particularly like this bit:

    Cat owners will be familiar with the low rrrwwwrrrwwwrrr growl that means "I, The Hunter, have caught you this prized wild game. Let me in."

    Skimble said that same growl yesterday....... And deposited a bright red elastic band on the kitchen floor 2 seconds later.

    I must look out the link to my how to give a cat a pill post for you...

  18. vp, as I was typing this post, I thought of your how to give a cat a pill link. I almost died when I read it a few months ago. Too funny. My experience was similar, but without the need for a of shot of tequila.

  19. Too funny, I will share this story with my pet people friends. They will get a chuckle out of that one...

  20. Hi skeeter. I went over and checked out the pet people blog. Great idea.